![]() I feel like our 20s are something that we spend our entire childhood and teenage years fantasizing about and then when they finally arrive it’s – disappointing to say the least. There are so many expectations we’ve set and goals we have to achieve and we feel as if the ground beneath our feet is slipping from beneath us. We are hit with many realities and juggle healing our inner child, taming our inner teenager, and transforming into adults all at the same time. As a result, we end up feeling like a MESS. On top of this, your 20s are meant to define many paths of your life, including but not limited to: career, where you want to live for the rest of your life, relationships/friendships and how to deal with the ones that didn’t pass the test of time, family, etc. All these thoughts constantly being bombarded in our heads can be exhausting and can really take a toll on our mental health. 2 years into my 20s and I already feel like I’m not doing it right; good news is I have 8 years to go. Here’s what I’ve learned so far.
And most importantly, always be proud of yourself for how far you have come. We don't realise this but sometimes we are in the stage of life that we literally prayed for and we end up taking it for granted. Always be proud of yourself, regardless of the outcome.
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Healing in a Hostile Environment Sometimes, in life, we come across situations where we realize that nothing in that particular situation is in your control. It also may be so that we are stuck in that situation for a week, a month, or even several years. Unfortunately, that situation may be good, or bad for you, mentally. The type of situation can range from your home situation, academic, or university life, to your workplace. If you find that your current predicament is similar to this, congratulations. The first step on the journey to healing is realizing you’re not where you should be in life. In situations like this, we often overlook how badly this environment affects us mentally. We begin to absorb all of that negative energy and believe that you deserve all this negativity for it to be in your life. Unless your karma is coming back to bite you, this is not the case. Often times we are simply surrounded by emotionally immature people who project their own insecurities off on other people. Generally, on people they are threatened by. In an environment, or multiple environments, where we are constantly being put down or discouraged by the people around us (not to be confused with constructive criticism), it can be extremely difficult to separate thoughts that are true, from those that are based off of negative reinforcement. Toxic academic, workplace, and home environments are not situations that can be left easily, it may take several months or years in order for you to escape. Meanwhile, there are certain things that can help limit the negativity in your head, sort of an in one ear out the other approach. Remind yourself that this is not your whole life When we find ourselves in undesirable situations, we need to remind ourselves that we have so much more in life to look forward to. More people to meet that will love you, friends to make, amazing places to travel and visit; you will find the happiness that you have always searched for. This is a goal that we can work towards, sort of how the finish line is for a runner. This is just one obstacle you’re facing in the race of your life; you will overcome this as you have many times before. Accept that you may be different from the people around you, and that’s okay Imagine how unbelievably boring our world would be if everyone was exactly the same; no nuances or quirks that make all of us different from one another. Finding people that resonate with you in life is rare, given that there are over 8 billion of us and it’s highly unlikely for us to meet all of them in our minuscule lifetime. However, simply giving up is not the solution. Times of loneliness are often fruitful as you end up discovering more about yourself than you would with other people. Use this time for further self-discovery. Comparison is the thief of joy The most underrated but important reminder. All of our lives are different; the timing of certain events in our lives, varies. For example, everyone around you, may be walking a certain path; deviating from the flock and doing your own thing, may often work out in your favor. In the situation or environment that you may be stuck in, a lot of people around you may be doing a lot better than you for the time being. It will bug you if you truly know your potential, however, you are putting in the majority of your energy towards healing and recovering from all the negativity around you. It is unbelievably draining and leaves very little energy left for productive work. Remember that everyone’s timeline during life looks different, and comparison will only make you feel lesser than. Bad days don’t have to be bad days/Leave it at the door Everyone has bad days, some more than others, but bad days are just that. Bad DAYS; not weeks, or months. Not even a full day. Something bad happened, fine; Reset, Recharge, and move onto the next best thing. Remind yourself to change your scenery and forget about it as soon as you're out of that situation. It is difficult, but dwelling on it is like pressing on a wound; it will only hurt more. You don’t need an apology to move on Waiting for an apology from the people that hurt you, is like waiting for a train that will never reach its destination. A waste of time. No one in your life holds a permanent position; people are bound to come and go but you control the door. Let them in and let them go, as necessary. Make decisions that favor you too sometimes. People that have lived their whole lives to please others find this impossible, but there comes a time when you realize you can’t be a doormat your whole life, something needs to change. Set boundaries and learn to say no If something makes you uncomfortable, listen to your gut. Setting specific boundaries allows the people around. The strongest indicator of our boundaries is our emotional state. Boundaries are never to be taken personally, it is less likely about you and more about the person setting the boundaries. Setting boundaries also helps you feel more in control of your life. It is also important to remember that not everyone has to like you; you can do everything right and still make some enemies along the way. All in all, remember that this situation is a very small proportion of your life, you have so much more to look forward to. Although some things may be out of your control. You control your response to those situations; Unwind from the negativity by binging your favorite show, reading, writing, making art, journaling, or spending some time with your friends; whatever helps you forget about it. Keep reminding yourself that things will get better; keep working towards making them better and hopefully, the cards will be in your favor. Don’t lose hope. If you look around, everyone cares about mental health. People appear to want to be part of conversations and spread awareness. We want to do whatever we can to “show” we care; but do we really? When it comes to dealing with someone, a friend perhaps, who deals with a mental disorder, or illness, how do we behave? There is a massive difference between having mental health issues, and a mental illness/disorder. Every mental disorder results in a person behaving a certain way. However unfortunately, people do tend to fake these illnesses many times for attention. This results in overshadowing the people who do need help. Now I’m talking about ACTUAL mental illnesses. The real ones; not the anxiety that takes shape in the form of a shy frail little girl, or the messy room melancholy side of depression that is often romanticised. I’m talking the ugly, real side of mental health; because unfortunately, people need to understand it and stop condemning people who go through it to a life of solitude. If someone describes their feelings due to anxiety symptoms, do we claim that they’re victimising themselves? The hard truth of the matter is, you cannot expect someone with a mental illness to behave like a normal human being. Insensitivity is prevalent and empathy unfortunately, isn’t. We wouldn’t bash a person with diabetes for exhibiting signs of high blood sugar, so why do we attack people with anxiety for something that is beyond their own control? The words anxiety and nervousness, are often confused; According to the World Health Organisation, Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) affects 3.6 percent — or about 264 million individuals worldwide — have an anxiety disorder. Additionally, 4.6 percent of females and 2.6 percent of males globally are affected by anxiety. In the early days, anxiety was referred to as a danger signal sent from your brain to the rest of your body. The term anxiety itself is defined as the anticipation of future threat. During the 16th-17th century, the term melancholia was coined to encompass both depression AND anxiety, meaning that anxiety and depression will always be interlinked to some extent. When you have a mental illness, the processes that go through your brain, as well as the structure of your brain, differ from that of a normal person; - 1.Your brain is always flooded with stress hormones When you deal with anxiety on a daily basis, your amygdala (a small structure located in the brain responsible for emotions and moods) grows larger. This results in a lot of false alarms sent by the limbic system to the rest of the body which can be damaging to your fight or flight response over time. This is why our response to certain situations may be confusing or even alarming at times. However, it is never intentional. 2.Your brain is always on high alert When you feel anxious, your body goes on alert, prompting your brain to prepare itself for flight or fight mode. In an attempt to help you fight off whatever has made you anxious, your brain floods your central nervous system with adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones tell your body that something scary is about to happen. In a non-anxious brain, when the danger is gone, the sympathetic part of your nervous system takes over and calms you down. But when you suffer from anxiety, you may not be able to reach that sense of calm. Instead, the rush of stress hormones causes your brain to release even more stress hormones until you’re simply overwhelmed. 3.Anxiety makes you lose the ability to make rational decisions Anxiety weakens the connections between the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex (PFC). When the amygdala alerts the brain to danger, the prefrontal cortex should kick in and help you come up with a rational, logical response. The PFC ensures that you’re capable of processing information analytically and can make informed decisions, as well as helping you solve problems. You can think of the PFC as your brain’s wise counsellor. In non-anxious brains, the prefrontal cortex responds rationally when the amygdala sends out alerts. This process doesn’t work the same in anxious brains. Instead, when the amygdala alerts the PFC to danger, the connection is weak. Thus the rational, problem-solving part of the brain isn’t heard, which can lead to irrational thoughts and erratic behaviour. Anxiety disorders can have a negative impact on a person’s relationships with friends, family members or romantic partners. Anxiety involves excessive worrying, heightened stress and a fear of negative experiences. These feelings can lead to irrational thoughts that can impact how a person views their relationships. The two main ways that anxiety makes maintaining healthy relationships difficult is through dependence and avoidance. Some people with generalised anxiety disorder may desire close bonds with their peers and try too hard to please others. Others may want detachment, which closes themselves off from friends and family members. Aside from generalised anxiety, other types of anxiety disorders (such as agoraphobia, panic disorders and social anxiety) can strain relationships too. Agoraphobia is a fear of panic attacks occurring in public places, being unable to escape to a private place and suffering embarrassment in front of friends or family. This type of anxiety disorder can cause people to avoid public places or social interaction altogether, potentially ruining their chance at developing meaningful relationships with new people. Social anxiety is the type of anxiety disorder that most often links to the quality of a person’s relationships with others. For example, someone with social anxiety may fear that their peers think poorly of them. Feelings of jealousy and inferiority are common among people with social anxiety, and these internal struggles can cause people to close themselves off as protection from potential pain. Additionally, people with social anxiety may overvalue their relationships with others and become too reliant on validation from their friends or family members. This dependence is unhealthy. Along with being overly dependent, people with GAD may find themselves prone to overthinking, planning for all worst-case scenarios, being indecisive, fearing rejection, and seeking out constant communication (and getting anxious if a partner or friend does not respond quickly) As mental health awareness grows, so do misconceptions. People who suffer from anxiety find it daunting to just get through the day, if you choose to be a part of their life, the least you could do is understand the way they behave, and act accordingly. Don’t preach mental health if you don’t understand it. Take some time to research the symptoms of a loved one with a mental disorder. Imagine having to explain to someone why your head hurts the way it does. Imagine having to justify your stomach ache, or a physical injury. Why is it that mental illnesses aren’t taking as seriously? The brain is the most important organ in your entire body. Yet an illness that affects it, is taken lightly. Please always remember that you never have to justify a mental illness EVER. It is not your fault you have anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or paranoia. It is okay to show symptoms. The people who really care will never put you in a position where you will have to justify having a mental illness. It is okay to deal with your mental illness in whatever way you choose in order to survive. Citations: https://pronghornpsych.com/how-does-anxiety-affect-the-brain/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4610616/ https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/anxiety/related/anxiety-disorder-statistics/ https://www.crisisprevention.com/Blog/Challenging-Myths-About-Mental-Illness https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/anxiety/faq/how-does-anxiety-affect-relationships/ https://www.verywellmind.com/how-anxiety-can-cause-relationship-problems-1393090 ![]() Hey everyone! Here's the first post of this blog. I thought I should start off with something that's very important and close to my heart. I know most of my close friends struggle with this and honestly, so do I. It's not the easiest thing. In this post, I will be sharing my perspective on what self-love really means and how to start loving yourself. What is self-love? Self-love is basically the regard of one's own happiness and becoming aware of our inner voice and taking control of it. It's not a belief but rather an action of practising behaviour that helps in nurturing appreciation for one's self. Liking oneself is often mistaken for love. Liking yourself when you're looking good, or when you're doing well in general is easy. But when you're a mess of a person, and you're constantly feeling insecure about the slightest of things; can you say you love yourself then? Why is it so important?
Achieving self-love In my opinion, there are two main aspects to this.
Self-care is extremely important. Rewarding yourself not just on good days, but bad days too. Doing small things such as cleaning your room, watching your favourite show/movie, or even taking a bubble bath puts you in a good mood. You slowly truly start to enjoy spending time alone. It's important to start prioritising "you" as well as always putting yourself and your feelings first. Start doing things for you. Whatever makes you happy go for it. Take risks because I can really say this from experience; great things never come from comfort zones. |
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